Review: You - Season 2, Episode 5 "Have a Good Wellkend, Joe!"

Episode five's description includes the word "wellness weekend," so I can only assume this will end in disaster.

We open with Candace/Amy and Forty broken down in Arizona, and Forty decides to call a "PJ" because he uses them so often that saying the actual words "private jet" is just too much work.

Love is preparing Will for the wellness weekend where he'll meet her parents, and they decide that they should come up with a safety signal. She throws up the ASL for "I love you," and Will asks if she's doing the Spiderman thing because apparently he lives under a rock and doesn't know how to sign "I love you."

He creeps on her parents' Instagram. Singular. They have one combo Instagram account because they're that kind of couple. And he learns all he needs to about them in order to be their favorite person.

Forty is mourning the loss of Henderson and tells Love he's abandoned his AA meetings because there's too much negativity. This will end well. The police show up at Delilah's full of questions about Ellie's whereabouts the night Henderson died because they could tell from his cell phone history that she was at his house when it happened.

Delilah lies to the fuzz and then goes inside to yell at Ellie because she's PISSED she was hanging out with Hendy that night. Ellie has found the polaroids Delilah was holding on to and confronts her about them. When Delilah tells her what they are, Ellie doesn't believe her, and she storms out.

At the wellkend, Will finally meets Forty's new gal, and the audience rejoices.

Finally, we get the full picture of what really happened with Candace. Basically, he tied her up and took her to the woods for...a picnic? She tried to run, he accidentally bashed her head in, and then he buried her because he thought she was dead. She did the zombie-hand-rising-above-the-dirt thing because she's superhuman and can survive being buried alive.

Fun(?) fact: My biggest fear is being buried alive. That's why I want to be cremated when I die. Consider this my will: PLEASE MAKE SURE I AM DEAD BEFORE YOU DO ANYTHING WITH MY REMAINS.

Candace/Amy fills Joe/Will in on how she managed to find him. She says she was having a particularly dark day (because she HAS to justify clicking on celeb gossip clickbait) and came across a video from Henderson's party. Forty was having a booze-fueled meltdown, and she caught a glimpse of Joe/Will in the background. Ta-freaking-da.

This wellness weekend is looking A-OK to me at this point. I don't know what the difference between a tent and a yurt is, but I would definitely be more willing to camp if we were dealing with this type of setup.

Later in the truth yurt, Will gets stoned with Love's mom, and she tells him all about her dry vag. Welcome to the family, Will!

Back in the land of no yurts, Ellie is sad about Henderson and decides to do some snooping. She snags the envelopes full of photos and GTFOs.

Back in the land of yurts, they're doing a "I hear you and..." vocal exercise thing. I don't know - this wellness weekend is looking less appealing by the minute. At any rate, it forces Candace and Joe into a hug, which is triggering for Candace for obvious reasons. She runs off to her sad yurt, and Joe follows her.

They have it out. We learn that she has someone on the outside. All she has to do is send a text, and all of Joe's secrets will be out there for the world to see. I want to know who this person is. Is it Love? It's Love, isn't it? (I'm not letting that theory go until proven otherwise.)

We get some Forty and Forty's Dad drama that I don't really care about or find interesting. We do learn that Forty's Dad had to donate a shitload of money to Dartmouth in order for him to get in, which gives me major Aunt Becky vibes.

Forty leaves in a huff to grab his Taco Bell (It takes a new level of sad to order Taco Bell delivery.), and Will joins him for a chalupa.

Later when Will fills Love in on her mom's dry vag and Forty's Taco Bell, she's like, "WHAT? TACO BELL?" And Will's like, "Really? That's the thing you're worried about?" Turns out, Forty always orders Taco Bell before he falls off the wagon. I'm the opposite. I crave Taco Bell after I do the drinking, but maybe that's just me.

Love goes from zero to Forty (see what I did there?) and gets real mad at Will. (Just wait until she finds the Love box. Homegirl will lose her shit!) She runs off to find Forty before he does something reckless. (Well, something more reckless than ordering Taco Bell via Postmates.)

Back in No Yurt Land, Delilah's Special Friend comes over looking for the photos, and that's when she discovers Ellie took them. She finds Ellie and learns that Ellie now believes her and loves her and thinks they should burn the photos to keep them from being all over the Internet. Is Ellie being manipulative here, or is she genuine?

Will searches for Forty and ultimately finds him...smoking...crack? Is that the drug they're doing? He grabs him and pulls him to the parents' vow renewal thing, and then he destroys Love's speech.

Love's mom yells at her and slaps her and then practically breastfeeds Forty because he's a big old crack-smoking mama's boy douchenozzle.

Love unloads on Will. There's something about an au pair who was lovers with Forty and then killed herself when she was fired, and then Forty found her body or something? Will and Love end up saying, "I love you," to each other, and then they decide they need to come up with a better word because QUIRK!

We later learn that after Candace emerged from the shallow grave Joe half-assed, she went to the police station. Homegirl still had dirt all over her, but they were like, "Pics or it didn't happen." At that moment, Candace learned when it comes to fight or flight, she's a fight kinda gal, and now all she has to do is wait for Joe to mess up again.

Fake Will returns home to a postcard from Real Will. He's with Gigi! She's real!

Delilah and Ellie try to burn the polaroids, but it turns out you can't burn them for some reason, so they flush them down the toilet instead. Can only imagine what that plumbing bill will look like.

Later, Forty reveals his new project: Candace got him into this new book that he's all jazzed about, and - you guessed it - it's Beck's book!

Also, Forty discovers that Henderson may have been murdered. This is all spelling major trouble for Fake Will.