Everything keeps breaking.

My favorite shows are the ones I’ve seen a million times and can quote every episode. I keep Parks and Recreation (current favorite), The Office, Friends and HIMYM on a constant rotation, and each time I rewatch one, I’m like, “This one! This is the superior series!”

Lather. Rinse. Repeat.

And I’m the same way with my stories. I like to retell the same few stories over and over until I’ve really perfected them, and then Sean knows that any time a certain subject comes up, he’ll get to hear that story again.

"Have I told you about the first time I ever had Brussels sprouts?"

It’s probably his favorite thing about me.

One story that you can guarantee I will tell any time Thanksgiving, FSU football, Florida football, any illness involving fever/chills/stomach pain, or pumpkin-flavored food comes up is the one about the time I got food poisoning in college.

The year was 2011. (I think. This whole weekend is super blurry because I almost died. Kind of.) I returned to Gainesville after a lovely Thanksgiving weekend, delicious leftovers in hand. I was thrilled to have the apartment to myself because my roommates were out of town for the holidays. More food for me.

I ate those leftovers for every meal that Friday and Saturday. Thanksgiving breakfast. Thanksgiving lunch. Thanksgiving dinner. I ran out of leftovers by the time Saturday dinner rolled around, so I opted for a Pub sub.

The Florida-FSU game was a night game (I think), and I came down with an awful fever right before it, but I had a ticket and was determined to go DAMMIT. So I did. Our seats were super weird. We were sitting against a wall and couldn’t really see any of the field. And I had a fever and the chills. And both teams were awful that year. No points were scored on offense (if I remember correctly). The Gators lost. It was absolutely miserable.

I went straight home after the game and went to sleep because I was sad and sick.

Around 2am, I woke up, ran to the bathroom, and threw up my Pub sub.

Oh no. Something was wrong with my sub. I’ll never be able to eat a Pub sub again.

I brushed my teeth and got back in bed for about an hour…and then ended up back in the bathroom vomiting.

I do not throw up. It’s not something that ever happens to me. I can have the worst stomach pains in the world, and I won’t throw up. I’m not good at it, and I don’t like it. (Does anyone?) But I became a pro over the next 72 hours.

By hour 22, I was so weak that I actually moved my comforter and pillow into the bathroom and slept on the bathroom floor for the rest of my illness because I didn’t have the energy to walk or crawl or even move.

My then-boyfriend would make the occasional appearance to throw apple sauce and saltines at me, but nothing would stay down. Not even water. In hindsight, I probably should have gone to the hospital, but I’m also very glad I didn’t after seeing Sean’s hospital bill from two years ago.

Anyway, after three days, I finally felt better! I made my way to the fridge to get a glass of milk (an odd choice, I admit), and it was…spoiled. It was so sour that I literally dropped the glass on the floor and ran to the bathroom to dry heave. Lucky for me, there was nothing left in my system to throw up at this point.

The fridge was broken! It wasn’t the Pub sub after all! It was the spoiled Thanksgiving leftovers and pumpkin loaf that took me down.

Anyway, the reason I’m retelling this story is because, here in 2020, our fridge is broken. Sean tried to fix it, but I was like, “Nope! Not going near that. Did I tell you about the time I got food poisoning in college?” And he was like, “Yeah.” And then I told him again anyway.

If I had been dating Sean in 2011, you best believe he would have had me at a hospital and wouldn’t have left my side. I’ll never forget the time I was visiting him in Gainesville, and I woke up to him putting wet paper towels all over my face and arms because I had come down with a fever and was drenched in sweat, and he thought I was dying. Get you a caretaker like that!

Anyway, 2020 has been soooo 2020, and pretty much everything in our house has broken. Seriously: water heater (April?), septic tank (May?), air conditioner (August), fridge (September) and now our pool pump (maybe? The pool is straight up green.). Why is homeownership so expensive?

The house is broke, and so are we.