Our Roadtrip to California
A note: I started writing this weeks ago, and then I was like, "Wow. This is not funny. No one is going to want to read a road trip recap that isn't funny. Honestly, when is the last time I wrote a post that was truly funny? Probably that post where I paid a dermatologist to take off my nail polish. That was sooo long ago. What has happened to me?? WHY AM I NOT FUNNY ANYMORE?" And then I got really down on myself and had to step away from it, and then it was election week, and I was like, "No one cares about this," so I still didn't post it.
But now, it's still election week. (Election month? Months?) And I need a distraction, so I'm going to finish it and hit the publish button. Hope you like it!
One day in 2018, Sean and I offered to babysit some dogs because "two years isn't that long." And then recently in September, we decided to drive said dogs across the country to California because "38 hours isn't that bad."
The week prior to our big road trip, packages kept showing up at the house. When it came to road trip entertainment, Sean had all. the. things. And when he realized I had prepared nothing, he said, "What are you going to do to entertain yourself?" And I said, "I like to just zone out and think. That's why you see me staring at the wall in the living room without the TV on sometimes." And then he called me a psycho.
I decided to post to Instagram Stories to get some book recommendations, and my sweet friends delivered. Here's a list of books I want to read now, if you're looking for suggestions too:
I'm Thinking of Ending Things
Such a Fun Age
The Silent Patient
The Last Mrs. Parrish
Running with Scissors
Verity - This is the one I ended up reading because it was free on Kindle Unlimited. It was a page turner and also kind of pornographic. It was the BEST trash!
The Butterfly Garden
How'd You Get This Number?
I Was Told There'd Be Cake
I also decided at that moment that I was going to take a lot of photos on our trip so I could write a blog post recapping everything. I even brought a selfie stick! But then I only took like three photos. I took a LOT of videos! But my poor ass can't afford whatever Wordpress subscription you need to post videos, so I can't even share them.
Without further ado, the recap...
Day One: Palmetto, FL to Vicksburg, MS
We woke up at 6am and turned on all the lights and were like, "IT'S MORNING, GIRLS! LET'S GO EAT SOME FOOD AND GO OUTSIDE AND CRAP AND STUFF!" and the dogs were like, "What. The. Hell."
And they didn't eat or go outside or crap by the time we left at 7am because they were too busy worrying about why we were packing bags and loading up the car with all their stuff. And then they were STOKED when they found out they were coming with us.
The only time I used the selfie stick.
We didn't even make it off our street before the tire pressure light came on. So we stopped at a gas station to check our tires, and they were all fine. I told Sean it was an idiot light and that everything was ok, but he wasn't convinced until a few hours into the trip when Ryan texted us and said, "Oh, by the way, there's a tire pressure light that stays on at all times. It's fine. You can ignore it."
We spent most of day one driving through Florida, and I still managed to prove to/remind Sean just how bad I am at geography. I asked him ten times if we were in Jacksonville yet, and then I told my sister we were in Pensacola when we were still like 100 miles away from Pensacola.
When it was my turn to drive, Sean started playing on Amazon ("It's Prime Day!") and spent like $200 on electric toothbrushes and water picks and stuff. We now have Alexa in every room of the house.
We also have a front door camera, so I'm not comfortable talking to myself when I'm home alone anymore. Back when there were dogs in the house, I could justify it, but now it's probably just weird. I do like to sing as loud as possible to see if I can get the camera to turn on though.
Anyway, here's what we came home to after the trip:
Day one wasn't that bad, but the last two hours of the trip were AWFUL. They seriously just felt like they were dragging, and I never thought we were going to get to Vicksburg, a place I never thought I'd be so happy to visit.
Toward the end of the day, my body had started to realize I was in a small vehicle with two big dogs, and my allergies became unbearable. I was determined to hold it together though because making it the whole trip without a mental breakdown was my #3 goal (#1 goal: Make it to California alive, #2 goal: Survive our Vicksburg motel).
We had originally planned on stopping in Lafayette, Louisiana on day one, but Hurricane Delta had other plans. There weren't a lot of options in Vicksburg, Mississippi by the time we were rebooking, so we ended up at a motel with a questionable stain on the headboard.
I said, "God, I hope it's urine," and Sean looked at me like:
So I sent a snap to Erica and Austin because I knew they'd appreciate it.
Day Two: Vicksburg, MS to Odessa, TX
SEAN FOUND A VEGETABLE ON OUR ROUTE TODAY. I have never been more in love.
Day one, I had a bagel for breakfast, fries for lunch, and fried shrimp for dinner. Needless to say I was ready for something green by the time we got to Louisiana. Sean found me a Panda Express! I got broccoli and bok choy and vegetable spring rolls, and it. was. heaven.
This is the only thing in my notes for day two. (I guess I was super excited about the vegetables.) I also have this shitty photo:
But I do remember when we got to Odessa, we took the dogs for a walk around the parking lot and encountered a cute little family standing outside their hotel room. The little boy was so excited to see Alli and wanted to pet her, so naturally she lunged at him and barked with her hair standing up. Sean took her to the other side of the lot while the little boy cried and pet Carly instead, and the mom said, "Wow, he's a big boy." And Carly just wagged her little nubbin, having no idea she had just been insulted.
Sean picked up some local Texas beer for us to enjoy in our hotel -- which, by the way, felt like the Ritz Carlton after day one's motel situation. We had a suite, and it was SWEET.
Day Three: Odessa, TX to Phoenix, AZ
I had been so patient and chill those first two days that I was due for a little cray cray on day three. And I delivered.
It started at six in the morning when I was trying to walk the dogs around the parking lot by myself. I kept asking Carly to "come" calmly, and when she didn't listen, I said, "COME. WHY DO YOU NEVER LISTEN TO ME?" And a man was walking out of his hotel at that same moment. I said, "I'm sorry. We're driving a Camry from Florida to California." And he cowered and said, "It's ok."
New Mexico is so beautiful! Definitely my favorite state we drove through. We spent the day on a freeway surrounded by mountains and cacti, and the speed limits were 85 in some spots! It was glorious. No traffic. No people. Lovely.
At this point in the trip, I stopped drinking water because the lack of gas stations was a little scary. We also stopped acknowledging dog farts.
I was walking the girls in a gas station parking lot and didn't realize an ant got under the strap of my slides. It bit TF out of me, and I am still recovering nearly a month later. I keep showing it to Sean, and he's worried I'm going to die of an infection. It's so sweet that he doesn't want me to die. (On second thought, this probably happened on day two of the trip because there's no grass in AZ.)
Phoenix was the first taste of "city driving" that we got on the trip, so my patience was wearing thin by the time we neared our hotel. We stopped at a grocery store about 30 minutes away to pick up some wet food for the dogs because they were on a hunger strike, and I stayed with the girls while Sean went in.
At this point, it had been 48 hours since Alli had pooped because she was NOT ABOUT that grassless life, so I was worried for her health. I was determined to get her to go potty, so I decided to take the dogs for a walk around the grocery store parking lot while Sean bought food.
I am from Florida, and also not an idiot, so I felt the pavement with my foot before letting the girls out. It was not only not-hot, but it was actually cool. So I let the girls out and took them for a walk. A man in a truck rolled his window down and said, "That pavement's too hot for your dogs." I thanked him for his feedback and took the dogs back to the car, and then I was silent the rest of the way to the hotel.
When we got to our room, I calmly told Sean and the dogs, "I need five minutes to myself. Five minutes where no one is breathing in my face (Alli) or watching me pee (Carly) or telling me how to drive (not really Sean, but I was looking for things to complain about) or telling me how to take care of my dogs (parking lot man)."
And then Sean revealed the most glorious piece of information. A beautiful surprise.
"I didn't just buy dog food. I also bought beer."
He handed me a beer and then bought me a burrito. And all was right in the world.
Here's a pic I took while buzzed off of two beers:
Day Four: Phoenix, AZ to Camarillo, CA
The next morning we had an EPIC cuddle session with the girls because somehow, neither of us realized it was our last day of being their caretakers until that very morning.
I also forgot to mention that we went to bed before 7pm the night before because my phone hadn't adjusted to the time change, and I was mentally prepared to reach 8pm by the time I realized it. There was really no turning back. As such, we woke up before 5am and decided to go ahead and get on the road.
Because we had done an 11-hour day and then two 10-hour days, a six-hour day felt like a drive down the street. Sean drove the entire time, and we got to experience the scary 101 together.
BUT WE MADE IT!!! And had a glorious reunion with my sister, brother-in-law, and the kids. It was so wonderful to spend Miles' third birthday with everyone, and I can't wait until we go back in December for Christmas and New Year's!
For some reason, I felt it was very important to take this photo on the plane ride home, so I am going to honor October 18th Wine Drunk Natalie's wishes and share it:
The essentials.