RIP, Permanent Retainer
And it’s been awhile
Since I could think of what to write
And it’s been awhile
Since I last blogged
If you don’t know which tune to sing this to, you probably didn’t experience the euphoric joy associated with the invention of the MP3 player.
We recently added a new family member to the Nesius household: a giant schnauzer mix named Kane! I have a LOT to say about him, but that draft still doesn’t quite do him justice, so I am going to regale you with a different story in the meantime.
HUGE outing this morning. I went to the dentist. Big stuff for 2020. Side note: Does anyone else feel like people have become a lot more social in not-so-social situations because they’re just so thrilled to see another human being? I talked to a guy at Zales the other day for 20 minutes about Florida football while I waited for my rings to be cleaned.
Anyway, I went to the dentist this morning, and it turned out to be much more eventful than I expected. A couple months ago, while Sean and I were driving to California, I said, “Yay! One side of my permanent retainer is coming loose! I finally get to get rid of this thing.” And Sean was like, “Maybe don’t lose it while we’re on this trip because it will require a trip to the dentist.” So I spent the next few days being very careful not to do anything to disrupt it.
Well, this morning during the flossing portion of my semiannual cleaning, the dental hygienist said, “Shoot! I am so, so sorry!” and held up my permanent retainer. I explained to her that this was a long time coming and that I was actually thrilled to be done with that thing, and she left to go get the dentist.
He came in laughing, and said, “That thing finally came out, huh?” And I was like, “Well, yeah, it’s been in there for 16 years at this point. It’s about time!” But then he looked at my teeth and said, “You probably don’t want to go see [orthodontist’s first name], do you?”
I said, and I quote, “That is the absolute last person I want to see.”
He went on to explain that if I didn’t replace it with something that my bottom teeth would start to shift and all that orthodontic work – 7 YEARS to be exact – would be wasted. He offered to “throw a new one in there” himself or “give you a removable one if you prefer.” So I opted for a removable one to make flossing easier.
They took me to a separate room and used a painful tool to grind off the remaining bits of the old retainer and then fit me for a new one. It’s incredible how a taste/feeling can take you back. When they put the mold in, I was immediately transported back to middle school and the dreaded feeling that came with a trip to the orthodontist.
The lady pulled the mold out and said, “Look at me, so I can make sure there isn’t any on your face. You’re good.” And then sent me on my way.
While I was checking out, the woman at the front desk said, “What’s your maiden name?” I told her, and she was like, “YEP! I knew it. You look just like your mother. She just got some chickens.”
And the I laughed to myself about how people think that events that happened forever ago are super recent just because that’s what you talked about last time you saw them. Kind of like when you see a kid you haven’t seen since they were a baby, and you’re like, “You can’t be in college! I just saw you 17 years ago, and you were in diapers.” And they roll their eyes and tell you to stop trying to connect to them on topics like TikTok and memes.
Anyway, she then proceeded to tell me that I’m too old for insurance to cover the cost of the retainer (a huge blow to the wallet and ego), but that wouldn’t keep her from trying. She sent me on my way to work, where I discovered there was, in fact, retainer molding shit all over my face.